The #1 Secret to Shifting Your Mindset

**Like it or not, it’s about breaking through your resistance and establishing that f*cking gratitude practice**

Cats, and us humans too, are resistant to change. We cling to existing patterns and behaviors, hoping that things can stay the same. Even when we know that things are good for us — exercise, eating well, taking rest breaks— it’s really hard for us to do them.

We often base our daily performance and happiness on our state of mind. The good news is that unlike our ability to control others, we can start by impacting our own mindset. A gratitude practice is the simplest, most straightforward way to shift our minds. There’s a ton of research that backs this up¹. Yet like many of us, I’ve personally started, paused, and fallen off the wagon with gratitude so many times that I mentally refer to it as that f*ucking gratitude practice. I’ve seen this resistance and embracing of the practice happen for many of my clients too.

These are four techniques to help build the muscle of a gratitude practice. And maybe, eventually, we can even be grateful about it.

1. Be hyper-specific

It’s easy to half-ass an answer by retreating to the safety of generalities and platitudes. Specifics give us a way to drill down to the kernel of what’s most important. It can help elicit emotions and really help us feel the thing that we’re grateful for. Notice the difference between saying:

I’m grateful for my cat.

vs.

I’m grateful when my cat Mochii sits on my lap during client calls. I can feel the mighty rumble of her purr. Stroking her soft fur helps center me and focus my listening.

Part of a gratitude practice is feeling and experiencing the object of your gratitude. The more specific you can get, the more impactful it will be.

2. Keep it interesting

Repeating a daily gratitude practice can get boring. There’s a litany of things we might be grateful for: our health, loved ones, friends, a team at work, a meal, or something we did today. It can start to feel tedious when we keep repeating the same things we’re grateful for. One way out of this is to be specific. A second way is to think of categories and thought-starters for types of gratitude. Categories and thought-starters will help us get started when we can’t think of anything and want to retreat to the platitudes, but also keeps it interesting to provoke a brain thinking in different ways. These are some categories that I have personally experienced and also hear as tips from many others:

Of all the people you encountered today, who helped you or who did you help the most?
What object or person was most inspiring or thought-provoking?
What made you laugh? Or elicit a strong emotion, either positive or negative.
Which one of your senses experienced something different today? It could be something beautiful you heard or saw, an unexpected taste or smell, or perhaps a pleasing texture you touched.

3. Establish a routine

It’s hard to start something new, especially something that might feel like a dubious practice. Try to create a daily or weekly gratitude practice by tying it into your routine. Some things to consider:

End your work day or work week with gratitudes
If you have a regular journaling or mediation practice, add gratitude to it.
Think about what you’re grateful for either first thing in the morning, or the last thing at night before you fall asleep.
Incorporate it into regular activities such as brushing your teeth or mealtimes

You don’t have to commit to doing this forever. Simply try it for a couple of weeks and see if anything feels different.

4. Create a ritual with others

Taking the routine one step further is to incorporate another person or group of people as an accountability partner into your gratitude practice. When my daughter was younger, one of our bedtime rituals was to take turns sharing all the things we were grateful for that day. Some families play rose/thorn/bud at the dinner table, sharing something you’re grateful for (rose), a challenge from the day (thorn), and something you’re looking forward to (bud).

In a corporate setting, teams can start a weekly meeting or a regular 1–1 with sharing something they’re grateful for. If you have remote team members or loved ones that are far away, consider texting as a way to share grateful parts of your day.

Bottom-Line

It is hard to establish and maintain a gratitude practice, hence my calling it that f*cking gratitude practice.

Remember, don’t beat yourself up if you fall off the wagon. It happens to all of us. The next time you remember, perhaps when you’re in a bad mood or dealing with an emotional setback, try starting again. You may not feel its immediate impacts, but like doing reps in weightlifting, a gratitude practice slowly shifts your brain over time, building resilience to help shift your mindset.

Try the four techniques of 1. Be hyper specific, 2. Keep it interesting, 3. Establish a routine, and 4. Create a ritual with others to play with your gratitude practice.

For me, I find that sometimes the best way to go is through the path of resistance. So it’s when I’m most resentful of that f*ucking gratitude practice is when I’m likely to need it the most.

¹A brief gathering of research into gratitude