Stretching Your Authentic Leadership with Range
Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash
Part of the frustration, complexity and deep fulfillment of life is working with oxymorons. How do you both step into your leadership, owning who you are with your unique values and strengths AND also work on developing yourself to be more?
I spent this weekend in a finalization of formal coaching training, the Synergy workshop that integrates all the coaching skills and celebrates how we use them in our individual brands. This is how each of us shows up as a leader and as a coach. Part of the workshop, similar to design, is dealing with oxymorons. The number one rule is “everybody/nobody/everything/nothing gets to be wrong and/or right.” It reminds me of being a designer and always answering a direct question with, “it depends.” The answer depends on who you’re designing for, the principles, the timeline, the constraints and a million other things. The answer is typically X and Y and Z. And sometimes none of them at the same time.
There’s an oxymoron around how you can be your authentic leader AND also play with range. We can play with “fixing” your weaknesses, your opportunity areas, that doing all the things “aren’t me.”
We are connective beings. Nothing is ever new. We learn and steal ways of being by interactions with the people around us. We look at someone who inspires us and can pick a value of generosity because we see it role-modeled in Michelle Obama. We see an action a coworker has chosen to take, think it’s a fabulous idea, and also choose to take a public speaking class. We are constantly in motion and change.
It is possible for you to have a set of authentic values that defines who you are AND to choose range. Range is choosing to experiment with your authentic self by trying on different ways of doing things and different ways of being. We adopt and practice range through our daily interactions with organizations and people.
You
Each of us has a leader within. We have a strongest, surest part of ourselves that chooses, reflects, learns, and knows that there is something good within us. This inner leader may not show up all the time. She may be buried beneath layers of doubt, imposter syndrome, and self-judgement. Yet she’s there, and she’s available as a memory from the peak moments and highlights of life. She was there when you celebrated milestones — graduation, a milestone birthday, a vacation, a new job, or getting into college. She was there when you were on your last emotional high — pride at a child’s accomplishment, your best friend’s wedding, the delicious sweetness of saving a bite of dessert, the last sunset you saw, or that moment of endorphin when you broke through the tiredness and became alive in a spin class, run, or strength workout.
For me, there are certain things that are a core part of who I am. Direct & transparent. Resilient. Bold. Driven. I have big emotions. I like to get sh!t done. More on my values and big emotions.
Range: You + Organizational Context
While I’ve been coaching through my 20+ year career leading creatives and product teams, I’ve chosen to formalize my training through learning from one organization — the Coactive Institute (CTI). Three core attributes of coaching from CTI are:
“Fierce Courage: the quality of boldly standing for the big agenda of the client, risking not being liked, audacity, bravery, and truth from the heart. The heart is fiery.”
“Aliveness: the quality of full vitality. You can feel your heartbeat, the desire for movement and action is activated, the energy of aliveness is palpable.”
“Connection: the quality of a trusted, empowered relationship. The heart is open. There is room for all of who you are. There is acceptance and compassion.”
This weekend, as part of expanding my range, I chose to work on Connection. I felt pretty good at exhibiting boldness and also dancing with a range of emotions. I wanted to work on holding a safe space of security and trust, with zero judgement for every type of client, not simply the ones who are like me.
Through every interaction, I kept Connection in mind and focused hard on expanding my range by holding it as an intention and reminding myself how to hold safety both for myself as well as for others.
You have your own values & leadership strengths. And there are organizations and associations that you have chosen to work within. It might be the company that employs you, the non-profit you volunteer at, or the school your kids go to. Each organization has its own principles and values, its culture where exhibiting those traits gets individuals rewarded. When you think of the organizations surrounding you, do you know their values? How might you stretch your own range by embodying the values of the organization?
Range: You + Other People
Have you noticed that you can be quite different depending on who you’re around? When you sit around the Thanksgiving table with your parents and siblings, does it put you back in a certain childhood context? There might be an old story you tell yourself about being the youngest child, the creative one, the unloved one, the comic, or the one most like your dad. How do you show up differently with your college friends, coworkers, or people you meet at a cocktail party versus a networking event?
You already have range. You stretch the pieces of you depending on who you are around. For example, I show up differently for each person I coach. This depends on the topic we’re talking about and who the person is. There are people who are quieter and I am aware of that energy. If I raise my voice to make a point or to jolt them into action, I am aware of what level to raise my voice to. What is speaking loudly to one person may be yelling to another. If I am working with a technologist who can be cerebral and come off outwardly as deep & emotionally-flat, I can play with range in my tone of voice to evoke different actions. I can play with pacing to be slow and deep, to mirror the deliberateness. Or I can play with tones to be perky, playful, whiny, angry… all the while taking cues from my conversation partner. Together we are synergistically creating a moment in time. I feed off their calm or sadness or joy; and vice versa.
Range: You + Experiments
You are an authentic leader right now. And right now is one single step on your leadership journey where you continue to evolve, to change, and to react to what’s happening around you.
Yet rather than simply reacting, you can choose to play with range and to try experiments. It’s like trying on a different shirt or jacket or dress to see if this one stretches your style just a little bit. And if it does, if you like who you are within it, then maybe it’ll become a part of your future leadership.
One of my front-of-the-room leaders this weekend, Sharna Fey, pushed us:
“Do more of what makes your heart beat faster.”
Both she and her co-leader, Anne Grete Mazzionta, embodied their own fierce, sweet leadership and showed us how to play with our range. Notice what makes your heart beat faster. It’s likely something uncomfortable that doesn’t fall into your “natural” leadership style. Find that feeling, lean into it, and try the action on for size. You never know, you might like it.