Creating Connection Within Social Distancing
Photo by Bence Balla-Schottner on Unsplash
We are all leaders within this pandemic. Some of us are overwhelmed and working 14-hour days as nurses, teachers, or small business owners trying to keep our communities stable and serve others. Some of us have swathes of time as we struggle with working from home and being isolated by ourselves. As we shelter-in-place and are only physically connected to immediate family and roommates, one question looms:
Within social distancing, how do you create connection?
As a designer, I love me a good framework. This 3-part framework for creating connection contains:
You in the center. You have the most control over your mindset, your feelings, and your needs.
Your People. Your people will vary. It could be your immediate closest family & friends, it could be your team at work, or your coworkers banding together to solve an immediate urgent problem. Contextually, your people can change depending on who matters most at each point in time.
Your Community. The circle of connection varies. You may not know each member of the community personally. The community can be your school, your church, your neighbors, your company, your alumni network, or your entire city.
You
We are living in unprecedented times. The good news is that the enemy of change is typically the status quo. Now, when everything is different, we have the opportunity to make conscious choices about what really matters to us. Focusing on you, consider what you need for connection. Consider that it can, and will, change day-by-day, perhaps even hour-by-hour.
Right now, today, what is your level of connection? Think about connection to yourself and connection to others. What would you like to be different about this?
If you don’t know, think to the past 24-hours and the past 7 days. What have you been yearning for in that time?
Some examples I’ve heard from people include
Connection to myself:
I need some time for myself to think.
I need to go on a run.
I need to get outside and get some fresh air.
I need to meditate more and get grounded.
Connection to others:
I need to talk to my parents or close relatives everyday for a small checkin.
I need hugs & physical touch. Related, I personally know 4 different people who have gotten dogs this week. Something about being physically at home and able to spend the time to train and love a new puppy. I imagine it feeds into the need for physical comfort and is a good excuse to take more walks.
I need to reach out to old friends to see how they’re doing.
I need to support / check in on my neighbors who are physically close to me.
What do you need right now? What could you do today to create more connection for yourself within physical distancing?
For me, my kids are split 50/50 between their dad’s house and mine. We are continuing this practice through social distancing as to do otherwise seems heartbreaking. When they are with me, I hug them tight. I work fewer hours and cherish the time I have with them. We go on walks, ambling around the neighborhood. I try to drag them to the beach. We exercise together — I follow the remote directions from my awesome trainer and they do their soccer drills. We talk baths together, luxuriating in Lush bath bombs. We bake and watch The Great British Baking Show reruns. When they are not with me, I surf. I meditate, I journal a lot. For my clients, I’m here for them to check in whenever they need and we’ve added more frequent sessions for some.
Your People
Think of the people who are closest to you. You’re likely already thinking of immediate friends & family. Who else do you count individually as your people? Perhaps they are physically close like neighbors. Perhaps they are old friends who you rarely see, but occupy a rare place in your thoughts. In a work setting, you’re likely thinking of your immediate team. What about other colleagues who you don’t work with directly or who you’ve connected with in the past.
For each group of your people, consider:
What might each person need?
Are there themes in the needs of people in the group?
How might you bring in your unique talents to serve?
Some examples that I’ve heard from people in a work setting include:
Having a daily remote standup to both check in on people’s well-being as well as work.
Being adaptable and welcoming that parents with kids at home will have a 50% or more productivity drop. Offering to help with extra tasks at work if you don’t have kids.
Getting a window into people’s home lives through remote calls, seeing pets & kids and a more human side of their work personality. Comment, connect & share over what you see. One rule that my wonderful editor, Holly Kennedy, created at work is if a family member / kid / pet comes into your video view then they should ideally be introduced so everyone can say hi!
Sharing memes & laughs of the day about the pandemic. Starting the call with a a joke.
Creating a virtual happy hour / coffee break / primal screams
For each group of people, if you have the energy, what will you do today?
Finally, especially for those of us who give a lot to other people, think about who can help me. Who will I reach out to for help today?
For me, I’ve been reaching out to old friends and former colleagues. Sometimes I dream about certain periods of my life and when I wake up I reach out to those people. I’ve also been asking my community of coaches for a lot of help. I’ve been reaching out to set up 1–1s for different parts of support that I need— advice on growing my business, when to charge and when to do pro bono work right now, and how to take care of myself when I’m supporting others.
Your Community
Rather than individuals who you can name, think of the broader community that you can connect with within social distancing. Perhaps they are an association of need or passion such as your kids’ school, the neighborhood, the dance group, or fellow dog owners. If you have the energy, how might you step up and set the cultural tone for your larger team or company? What values matter to you for your community or company? What would you like to live on for the group and not just individuals?
Questions to ask:
When this community looks back, what do we want to be remembered for?
What values does this community have, and how can I create programs/connections/etc that honor these values? For example, if kindness is a value, how might I show kindness across the organization. How might I start specific actions that inspire others to also be kind?
For me as a coach, I’m trying to serve the communities that care for. I belong to a Single Moms in Tech Facebook group and I’ve set up group coaching sessions around supporting each other to thrive in this situation. I’ve been doing a lot of research & content creation around a passion topic — “Get What You’re Worth: Negotiation for Women” and in this time when many coaches are worried about their livelihood, I’ve launched a 6-week group coaching program for coaches to truly understand their worth and how to set their rates.
Bottom-Line
Today’s burning question is “Within social distancing, how do we create connection?” First consider what you need for connection, then expand it out to your people and your community. Pick a single action to experiment on and see if it helps your audience. We are living in new times and it’s the perfect opportunity to keep trying new ways of connection for different people.